Lots of Conservatives Like Sports

Lots of conservatives like sports. All of the “big four” American sports have some variation on salary caps (maximum wages), revenue sharing (re-distribution of wealth from the top to the bottom), or both. Lots of conservatives understand this is necessary for the sport to be fair and worthwhile. Lots of conservatives, apparently, are incapable of very obvious analogical thinking.

Thank you,


Muhammad LeBron

Muhammad Ali just showed me how far our nation has back-slided on racial issues. Of course, I’ve read the articles on how our schools are now more racially segregated than in the 1970s. But stark *anecdotal* evidence of this cultural backslide came in the form of ESPN’s “30 For 30″ documentary entitled “The Real Rocky.”

Although the story of beleaguered, aging, white, blue-collar boxer Chuck Wepner, and his legal battles with Sylvester Stallone over the movie “Rocky,” are interesting, the most compelling part was the footage of Ali.

I hadn’t realized how incredibly vocally political Ali was. I thought he was more of a LeBron James-style self-aggrandizer used as a symbol of the black power movement. And he was certainly was that. He had the same swagger and dominance that James has now. But imagine if LeBron was a vocal, Muslim, black power firebrand who used the public microphone available to him through his sports achievements to raise issues surrounding disparate racial treatment and outcomes. That is what Ali was.

Yet Ali was a *cultural hero* in his time. Now imagine our hypothetical LeBron, after changing his name to Muhammad LeBron, doing this today. Even though we are *every bit as segregated* as we were two generations ago, and black families still have gaping, statistically significant worse outcomes than whites in many areas of life, if Muhammad LeBron spoke of this, what would Fox News have to say? What would the public at large have to say?

Eternal Nonexistence

If you do not reproduce, the genes for which you are a transportation vessel will die with you. But that will be their fault for not being go-getters and driving the vessel properly. So it is off to eternal non-existence for them. That is, of course, unless copies of some of them are in a vessel with a better go-getter at the helm. Like being B.J. Armstrong on the 90s Chicago Bulls. A real freeloader into posterity.

U.S. Military = Miami Heat

The U.S. Military is like the Miami Heat, if you replaced the Heat’s six weakest players with Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, Tim Duncan, Carmelo Anthony, Kobe Bryant, and a remote-controlled robot replica of a 1993-season Michael Jordan that indiscriminately dunks on both opposing players and spectators not even in the game, and also made the citizens of Miami pay for the team with their tax dollars. An invincible dream team that could never be beat. But how much of that salary and roster could you safely slash while still being guaranteed the championship?